I'm going to be honest here, (because we all love a bit of honesty, right?) I lived the majority of my life trying to please other people, changing myself or acting in a certain way so that people would like me. Going through life with a constant fear of being judged.
I think many of us have lived like this at some point, right?
For me, it started in secondary school. Peer pressure, silly teenage comments, that whole 'wanting to be liked' feeling. And it continued through most of my life...
They're going to judge me for my unbranded trainers...
They're going to judge me for my obsession with that boy band...
They're going to judge me for having a child at 20...
They're going to judge me for that selfie...
They're going to judge me for shopping at Primark...
They're going to judge me for being a blogger...
They're going to judge me for becoming a single Mum of two children by two different fathers...
They're going to judge me for being in network marketing to earn some extra money for my kids...
I met someone last year who had a huge, positive impact on my life. They taught me to change my mindset about things that had happened in my past, they taught me to live my life free from fear and judgement. Yet THEY were constantly judging ME; picking apart everything I did and said, everything I posted on social media, talking down to me, treating me with disrespect and generally making me question myself a lot. I changed myself; I acted in a way I felt I should, I stopped doing things I enjoyed doing, I found myself analysing every social media post before I hit send.
But ironically, this person had also taught me to become more secure in myself, to put every negative experience down as a lesson and to look at what these lessons meant. It made me work even harder on myself, to live a life without caring about other people's opinions. Even theirs.
Not so long ago, someone on my Facebook put up a status saying, 'Some girls watch Love Island, some girls read books...' which was one of many judgemental posts they were putting up whilst the reality TV show was being broadcast. I was quick to reply that 'Maybe, some girls do both...'
I no longer allow other people to judge my lifestyle choices, I am secure within myself. I am happy with the person I am.
I'm a good person. I'm there for my friends. I empower people on a daily basis. I work hard for my boys. I work hard on my business. I work hard on my mindset. I'm really into personal development; I love learning about positive psychology, I love reading books, articles, listening to podcasts and audiobooks. I have a bit of a spiritual side; I'm into crystal healing, moon energy and trusting the process of the Universe. I get a buzz meeting my favourite celebrities. I live for road trips with my friends. I love a few cocktails. And I also love watching reality TV shows, it's my guilty pleasure, my chance to almost 'switch my mind off'. I love people watching, learning about other people's lives and I find the social experiment behind a lot of reality TV really interesting!
In the words of a song from one of my favourite films... THIS IS ME!
Fortunately, I don't feel the need to justify the way I live my life or change myself anymore because I'm comfortable within myself and other peoples opinions don't matter.
Our true selves are who we really are behind closed doors when we let go of all the labels, stories and judgements we have placed upon ourselves or have allowed others to. It is who we are without the mask. And believe me, life is SO much better when you take that mask off and just BE YOU!
Are you guilty of 'faking' your way through life?
Do you believe that if you allow people to get to know the real you that they won't like you?
Do you think that if people knew what you really thought about something, that they'd lose respect for you?
Put Yourself First
You don't need to be accepted by others, you need to accept yourself.
Allowing someone else's opinion of you to cloud your own perception of yourself gives them power in your life. STOP! Only you get to have the power. You know yourself best and if you are happy with the person that you are, stop allowing others judgement to take priority.
People will always have an opinion, and of course, they're entitled to it. Trust yourself. Working on your own self-esteem and confidence is the first step. Work on the areas of yourself that YOU want to change or are not happy with and move past the fear of being judged.
Big Up Your Damn Self
Now I'm not saying bring out an arrogant, 'I'm better than everyone else' kinda self, (because that ain't pretty!) but recognise what you are good at, own your good qualities. As well as know your vulnerabilities too.
When you become fully aware of your positive and negative points, other people's impressions will become irrelevant.
But it's not easy, especially if you've always lived a life in fear of being judged, and don't' put pressure on yourself to change overnight. Be kind to yourself. Set yourself a goal to take off the mask and be more authentic. I promise you, it'll change EVERYTHING!!
If you want to post that selfie, post it. If you want to read that book, read it. If you want to watch that programme, watch it. If you want to wear those clothes, wear them.
Be you. Do you. For you.
I have naturally dry hair that I've pretty much struggled with for most of my life. It has taken me YEARS to find a way to look after my hair well; keeping it feeling soft, smooth and healthy and find hair products to help keep my dry hair in it's best condition.
I wanted to share my FIVE top tips with you...
TIP #1
WASH HAIR LESS
Just as water can dry out the skin, it can do the same to your hair.
Over-shampooing can make dry hair much drier. Plus, when the natural oils produced by the scalp (sebum) aren't given chance to nourish the hair, this can leave the hair feeling dry, frizzy and more prone to damage. Plus, over washing away the sebum can cause it to overproduce, leaving your scalp feeling greasy.
If you can, train your hair to be washed less! I now wash my hair just ONCE A WEEK!
It may feel greasy or uncomfortable, to begin with, but it'll balance itself out within a couple of weeks, and it's nothing a bit of Dry Shampoo can't fix!
Give it a go!! Your hair will thank you for it!!
TIP #2
FIND HAIR PRODUCTS THAT SUIT YOUR HAIR
It has taken me SOOOO long to find hair products that suit. But I ADORE the products I use now and re-purchase over and over.
Look for a gentle moisturising shampoo aimed at dry hair. Shampoos that contain natural oils are fantastic for dry hair. Avoid silicone based products when possible, as these can coat the hair shaft stopping the natural oils from doing it's job, but if you do decide to (now you're only washing once a week anyway, right? ;) ) use a clarifying shampoo regularly alongside too.
And choose a super nourishing conditioner plus an indulgent Conditioning Mask for an extra treat every couple of weeks.
TIP #3
TREAT WITH EXTRA CARE
Dry hair is fragile and prone to damage, so needs a bit of extra care!
Handle gently; being rough can lead to breakage and split ends.
Gently pull shampoo through the hair from scalp to ends rather than scrubbing, applying conditioner from mid-length to ends and using a comb or brush that is designed specifically for use on wet hair will minimise damage. Rinse with warm water rather than hot and sealing the cuticle with a blast of cold water after conditioning. Squeeze water out gently and pat dry with a towel rather than rubbing. All of these things will help keep hair soft and smooth.
TIP #4
USE LESS HEAT
While it helps hair look shinier, heat is damaging to hair and is one of the main causes of dryness. If you can, let hair dry naturally. If not, choose a warm setting rather than hot and hold a few inches away from your head. Minimise heat damage by using heat protection.
As I only wash once a week, I give it a quick blow-dry and then run through with my straighteners. I tend not to use any more heat throughout the week unless I'm feeling a few curls or loose waves. A leave-in conditioner that helps to protect hair strands, not only keeping it in place but helping it stay nourished and shiny all day long. It has a triple-action formula that is perfect if you want to style without a stronghold or the look of heavily-styled hair.
TIP #5
DON'T OVER STYLE
Regular pulling of hair from the root can be damaging to any hair. If you can, leave it down to flow naturally as much as possible. If you have to wear it up, use hair ties that are less likely to rip or dent hair like Popbands or a scrunchy. they look super cute on the wrist too ;)
I try to wear my hair down as much as I can. If I slightly curl my hair at the beginning of the week, I can usually get away with wearing my hair naturally throughout the week.
I spray my hair daily with Superdrug Argan Hair Therapy Spray (£3.99) which is a multi-purpose spray formulated with Argan Oil and Tahitian Monoi Coconut Oil extracts to condition and protect hair. I use it on wet hair, dry hair and every day to spritz through and run my fingers through my hair to detangle, keep it feeling soft, moisturised, reduce frizz and protect against environmental stress. I love it!!
And regular trims will help stay on top of those dead ends and keep it in good condition.
So there we have it.
The basic rules of keeping dry hair soft and healthy are to wash less, treat it well and add more moisture!
Do you have dry hair? What are your tips?
